You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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