I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
