I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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