bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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