I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
