i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
