remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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