just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
