Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
