i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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