i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
