I can tuck mytits in my pants
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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