so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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