I molested 6 butterflies tonight
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
