Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
