Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
