Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
