quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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