I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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