Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
