she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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