So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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