did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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