What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
