I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
