I think I died a long time ago.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
