The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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