haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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