Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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