I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
