I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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