I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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