i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
