I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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