He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
