Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
