Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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