I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
