watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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