you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
