My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize