I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
