Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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