In the future we'll all be gay
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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