The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
