you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize