need another drink. this is the easiest way
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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