At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
