Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
