im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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