She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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