I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
