How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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