she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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