my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
