You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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