I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
