it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
