i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
