your parents love me but you hate me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
