Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
