I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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