In the future we'll all be gay
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
