Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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