Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
