you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
