hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
