I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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