I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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