she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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